Mothers MUST Know

Hi, how are you friends?  I have been reminded of a long-time/past incident on my

Me & Angel 7 yrs ago

eldest child that prompted me to write about this.  I think I should share this to you for you to be able to be more cautious with your children. Since this article is quite long, I have employed colors to help you avoid confusion on where you are reading ...

The Incident

My Angel Reign is about three years old then, a happy-go-lucky child who loves to

video herself on my mobile phone.  Just like you, I am always busy with the household chores and just glancing at her most of the times while washing the dishes etc.  A neighbor's child arrived and play with her, a boy who is around seven years old.  

He is a usual visitor in our home, his parents being our close friends.  I never thought that something unusual is MAYBE happening.  One time, I go to the room and look for Angel. I knocked because it was locked and when it opened the boy surprised me.  I never knew he is there with my child.  I did not suspect of anything then.  The next time, I saw them they are playing in the sofa - and caught them hiding inside a blanket never knew what is happening inside.  I just let it passed and still not suspecting of anything unusual knowing they are both young.

The incident that brought me to realization that I need to be more observant of the young visitor is when I caught the boy looking straight to Angel's eyes and turning his fingers around each of her breast and then to her "flower" (above the clothes, not inside!)-circling his pointing finger on that area!  Whew!  I never thought that the boy has malice at that age!  I am really thinking that what more has been done to my child in the locked door or with a covered blanket?!  I could not bear the scene anymore and surprised the boy that I saw what he is doing, his older sibling arrived.  The older heard me admonished the seven year old. I mustered my strength to hold  my emotions and talked to the boy calmly - telling him that he should not do that again, that it is rude to do that.  The complications is that the older child told her parents about it - the mom was skeptical and even became indifferent to me.  The father of the child felt sorry about it and told me that his child maybe influenced by some unknown neighbors' children to watch porns and bold films that is why he became curious of the act. I saw the boy one time, while I am talking to his mom, playing with his mom's nipple while embracing her - the mom did not say or told him to stop, others say that it is just "ordinary".  Maybe I just became so over-acting, I am really confused.

Another incident is that when Angel was in kindergarten, she was kissed by a male classmate.  I did not bother to talk to the boy, kissing is not really bad at all. I talked to the mother and told him about it, as usual the mother get angry and told me that her son kisses his sisters too.  All I did say is that "My daughter is not your child's sibling at all, it is about time he must know that he can not just kiss anyone he likes to.." another classmate's mother told me that her husband is really not happy that their child was kissed by that boy too - and to his anger the little girl was beaten.  They refuse to talk and I just told them I did. But since then, I knew the boy's mother learned but as expected she shows ill-feelings towards me.

Since these things might happen again in the future, I kept on thinking of ways that I could prevent my child being on those same situations again.

Reminders for those who have daughters starting from age three:

1. Teach your daughter which parts of her body that should NOT be touched by boys/men young or old no matter who that man is, NO exception even the father, uncle, grandfather, cousins, teacher etc.  I am saying this because it happens, and the relatives would not be angry of it because we know rarely of them have got such bad intentions. Because if we gave exception of who, daughters might get confused on trusting or not - she will be doomed if she made the wrong choice or judgment.  I have watched true-to-life crime stories on tv perpetrated by persons not at all stranger to the victims. The private parts, which everybody knows but to reiterate:

- the breast

- the butt

- and the female sex organ

2. Tell her not to be in a place ALONE with a boy or man. And do not come if invited.  Tell her of the fearful consequences and let her glimpse on the stories in the newspapers.

3. The olden reminder of always tell you before she goes out.  Most of abuse not happen inside our own homes.

4. If she is old enough tell her not to entertain unknown texters/callers.  We could not deprive our daughter of her mobile phone - it is a necessity nowadays and it is a good way of getting-in-touch with her and knowing her whereabouts all the time.  We can also track her location on GPS without asking her where she is.

5. Teach your child to dress decently and properly as to avoid tempting the bad guys around.  How to know if it is decent, ask yourself  Is the dress not talking like "Come and rape me..."? I know that you get what I mean.  

Since they are young at age, we are the ones to buy their clothes, it is your chance to pick.  Let her choose several pieces and just pick what is appropriate - by doing that you are giving her freedom to choose what she wants but still you have the last say.

6. Bond with your daughter, tell her of your childhood crush (if she is old enough) so she will think that it is okay to talk with you on things like it.  She might then start confiding to you and by then you can tell her of her limitations, the risks, the consequences and other important reminders on proper interaction with opposite sex to avoid "abuse/rape-with-consent".  

For those who have sons aged five and up:

1. Remind them not to touch other female children's private parts, you need to specify where.  Tell them that private parts need to remain private to their owners and you will tell them why on the right time.

2. Divert his attention to sports or indoor activities such as board games that he might be interested (be his playmate) and support him on buying the gear/equipment. Especially if you notice that he is lounging with some bad influences and it is hard to ask them to refrain by just telling.  Diverting needs no words at all to leave that BIs but just a tactic without your child knowing your real intentions.

3. Bond with your child on watching movies so he would not get thirsty of it and not find satisfaction of watching with somebody else, we do not know what they are watching at all.

4. Talk to your son about your childhood infatuation (maybe the father should do this), gaining his trust will spill his thoughts about it and tell you about his own feelings.  That is the right time you can inject your advise on limitations, consequences and whether you are together or not you will be rest assured he will be doing the right thing.  Giving advice while angry is not so acceptable.

Funny maybe but as time evolves along with technology, same is true with moral values. Obscenity is shared thru internet, phones and a lot more advanced ways.  It is still  remains to us, parents, the biggest responsibility on protecting our children against abusive elements, second, themselves.  We must impart them the knowledge of taking responsibility on their own safety especially on the right age when they can understand and follow instructions and admonitions.

Still we need to be always around for our children to guide and teach them along the way as they grow.  On times that we are not, like in school, we can not be there unless a meeting with the teacher is called upon, make sure you have eyes to update you of what your child is up to.  It may be the guard, the janitress, the canteen salesperson.  Befriend them, there is no harm  being friendly, in that way you can ask them or they, themselves will tell you of your child's activities whether they cut classes or leave the school premises or whom they connect with. As for me, I sometimes bring snacks or even lunch for the lady guard (I am just concern of her untiring duty and maybe that little way I could somehow make her happy that parents like me mind her esp. when I learned that she was just paid meagerly) - even I did not ask her, she is telling me that she did not let my daughter get out of the school's gate unless she sees me.  This just proves that good deeds pay off even you do not ask for:) I exchange detergent powder's (Surf Brand) for mobile phone loads for some friends in the school so they can reply when I ask them about my daughter - that is just some bonus sure appreciated- I did not spend a dime at all for the load.

I have to say that being AWARE helped me avoid my child being NEARLY abused again.  She is not abused, just nearly.  This is an important issue that our beloved friends and moms like us should be aware of, help me re-share it.

I hope I have brought you a helpful awareness on this issue.  Please like, re-share on G+, Fb, pin or tweet if you like this post. Your comments will be deeply appreciated. Thanks for recommending this blog on Google+ by hitting the G+ button on the upper-left corner of the HOME page :)

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