Having Problems with Your In-laws?

Are you among those wives having problems with in-laws most especially with your mother-in-law?

Is she always meddling (?) with how you do things? In cooking? In doing the household chores? In disciplining your children? Or even with how you handle your responsibilities being her son’s wife?

First of all you have to understand, that his mother is the former queen of your hubby’s life. Yes, they have been attached since your husband’s existence. That is the real reason why the m-i-l seemed so “cruel” to you, there is just some little depression happening when they suddenly part ways as Mr. Hubby moves his focus of attention to you.  

You can alleviate his mom’s (now your mom too) feelings through understanding.  Telling her always that you and your husband are just around and her child has just became children now. That there is now the two of you.  

If you are living in a separate home (which is the ideal set-up), ask your husband to come-along and visit his mom. It may help if you can bring something you have made or cook especially for her, she can see the effort and time you put doing that – that is really thoughtful gesture and you know it is quite relieving because you will feel that you have made his mom feel important and happy. If he is too busy to come-along,  go-on with your plans. You should make the first move to be near the mom.  Admit it, sometimes parents have this “pride”, and it is but right that children are humble and respectful of parents.

If you are living with your in-laws and do not have yet a home of your own, be open-minded, be courteous, always keep in mind that the home is not yours, you have to somehow be respectful of your in-laws.

1. There are things or room that you must observe privacy. 

2.  Do not be abusive like using the land-line for hours, they might be waiting for calls too and things similar to it.

3. Treat the home as if it is yours in terms of keeping it tidy. Learn to assist in maintaining it. Put everything back in place. Make it a habit for example to clean the bathroom everytime you take a bath. Even without telling, they will notice such little efforts especially if they do not have a househelp and mom is old enough to bend and reach every corner.

4. Sharing for payment on the utility bills like water and electricity shows you care too. But if they insist on paying them alone, let them. They are happy doing that and helping you out. You can reciprocate their kindness in some other ways like buying some grocery or things you think they or the home needs whether it is just a little thing.  I think I do not need to elaborate this further and you know what I mean.

5. Buy mom-in-law vitamins or adult milk to keep her strong. Giver her flowers that is if you have extra budget or save so you can give her on special occasions like her birthday, no woman’s heart can ignore a sight of a bouquet. Give our olds flowers while they can still smell them.

6.  Praise mom for her delicious recipe and help her cook like in chopping the ingredients and probably soon she will ask you to do the cooking. That means she trusts you and she appreciates you are learning from her.

7.  Do not take criticisms negatively, you will not learn and not be better if your mistakes are not made known to you. Like in doing the chores, they have more experience than we have. And look at it positively maybe she is teaching you the easier way to fix things and all you can see is the terror mother-in-law behind the concern-parent she really is behind that creepy image you have instilled in every corner of your mind.

Easier said than done. But keeping that optimistic behavior above in mind will move you to the right direction. There is NO good point in quarrelling with his mom. Remember, your dearest husband will not be with you today if she had not given birth to him. And one more thing, it will sadden your spouse to know of your misunderstanding. It is always up to you to be more patient especially sometimes the olds have become more sensitive, demanding of attention and affection; this is especially true with widows having a single child. 

Try to set your focus on the positive side, see the benefits of the admonitions, reminders, concern and forget about the word "MEDDLING". Since you are the one who has newly-come to their lives, you need to adjust. Be natural, you need not pretend to be someone else you are not and they will learn to love you the way they love your spouse.

8. Listen. Learn to listen and avoid talking back. Anybody who is angry will not flame-up if they are talking to a tame person that is the best thing to do if you are caught red handed on a mistake. That surely means, you are humble, accepting of your fault and furthermore open to change for the better. Who will not love you? Remain sweet and thoughtful. You will soon become your in-law’s pet. The heroine of her stories and she will be proud of having you.

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