Recipe: Successful Love Relationship

What is the secret behind successful relationships? Is it physical beauty? I do not think it is, because I saw and met a lot of beautiful faces men and women so to speak but still end-up with a ruined relationship not just in early stages of “boyfriend-girlfriend thing" but also in marriage.  Is it stability? I knew successful wealthy partners up to this date and also middle-class couples that still survived their relationship for years too, that could not be the factor for some.  But we can not deny that it could be one of the reasons. Have a look at these surefire ways:

1. Perseverance and calmness

Abstain from talking back while the other is angry. This huge effort on the part of either the man or woman pays off. Avoiding discussion while the other is “fiery” , keeping the mouth shut for seconds or minutes goes a long way. Yes, it pays…try explaining when the other is relaxed if you wanted to answer the things hurled against you. Why? While the one is angry, believe me he sees no reason, she hears nothing but her voice. Frequently, the person who is angry is not in the right frame of mind, not only liquor and drugs can be overpowering but anger too.

Whatever your partner said, he did not mean it. The words are just brought about by spur-of the-moment situation. Do not harbor it against him. Let it just enter your left ear and throw it out on the right. I admit this is my weakness but I am trying to overcome it.

Talking back makes the other talk more and may just fuel the fight. Just listen and give your partner the opportunity to release one’s self if you do not want him to end-up having a heart attack because of keeping all the aches, pains and hatred in his heart.  I am not joking, stress promises gigantic side-effects on human’s health and well-being. One way of de-stressing is talking, crying – releasing the steaming emotions.

There are restaurants that offer de-stressing services. They dedicate an area where you can buy a plate and write a name or whatever that torments you then crush the plate on the wall specifically made for the purpose, funny but true. Interviewing the visitors of the restaurant, the most common reply is “they felt relief for doing such..”, the more expensive the plate the more satisfaction they are getting..

2. Transparency

Whatever reason for the mistake, it is sometimes better not left unsaid. Transparency for me is synonymous to “honesty”. How can you be literally honest to your partner if you are keeping or hiding something that you think she deserves knowing. Women are touched and felt given importance if men admits wrongdoings and feel sorry about it –sincerity matters. Admitting one’s fault and the humility that goes with it, being transparent is not enough, refraining from committing the same problem again implies genuineness of intentions.

3. Complementing One-another

Not “complimenting”, although we need that too in a relationship. To complement is to feel complete because of the other. Whatever the weakness or incompetency or even shortcoming one has, it did not worsen…the feeling one must possess is the other-half fills the gap and makes one feel like “that is why I am here, if you can not do that I am here to help or I am here to do it for you…we complete each other”. The skill of each other has not become a great barrier to be together. Never that the other became so boastful and conceited of what he can do and who he is. No words like “You’re nothing, compared to me…”/”You’re nothing without me…”/”How stupid you are not to know this or that…” those are belittling and degrading. If you wanted forever, do not say those ever!

Typical examples of couple differences are:

-skills / educational attainment differences

-the woman can’t cook but the man cooks like  a “pro”

-the man has not gone to college but is a skilled driver opposite of what she knows and got

-the woman is a college graduate and the man just have a vocational course.

-the woman is good in English where he is not but the man is good in Math 
while the woman is not…shallow but helping each other on their "weak field" 
makes them strong TOGETHER

Complementing in the shallow sense of the word is like “You are sugar and I am the coffee…” /”I am the spoon and you are the fork..” you just make a good team together.  

4. Meddlers are BANNED

Most of the times, we seek advice from the wrong people. Do not ask your friend’s opinion about your relationship problem if you know that that friend of yours hate your man from the start, she never liked him ever since. What to expect? A biased opinion, the tendency is to get a suggestion without proper weighing of the situation. The typical would be, moving away recommendation when most of the times considering married relationship with children, there are more considerations than your friend can imagine.

Couples who stayed that long have kept their problems within the walls of their home. Too many opinions, additional devastating info (although sometimes helpful), causes bigger gaps. Message relayed through many channels are mostly aggravated, exaggerated and wrongly communicated. Other people who just wanted to heighten the situation or maybe sometimes unintentionally used a different “word” (that sometimes worse) when relaying not realizing the “weight” of the implications that comes along.

5. Forgive and Forget

Easier said than done. Yes, forgiving is there. Forgetting is truly a long process. Trauma is nothing new. Experience teaches us to hold-back trusting again. Forgetting is far-fetched but can be achieved if the partner who erred is willing to cooperate.

Mostly, dishonesty is the main reason for torn relationships. My suggestions for those who did something wrong:

- do not expect too much that the TRUST you broke is just an overnight rehabilitation.

- be open to your whereabouts

- avoid things that give doubt on your sincerity (bringing phones inside the CR), getting angry when the partner touches his phone

- ignoring messages (not replying and always out-of-coverage area, the phone is ringing but not taking the call)

-lying on whereabouts (there is a big chance that you come across with someone who knows you and your partner and out of slip-of-the-tongue mentioning seeing you in that place different from what you have told her…lying is a big question. Is there something to hide about?

Not doing anything that arouses suspicion will help the other forget about what has happened in the past. Nobody is perfect, humans are prone to error but PLANNING and doing things ON PURPOSE are sure to have been coming from an illicit motivation.

6. Praying is the Greatest Armor

Asking God’s help through sincere prayers is a timeless weapon, it does not lose its power up to this generation. Everything impossible is made possible by God from the conception of the impotent and very very old Abraham’s wife in the Holy Bible/the drying of the sea floor to be passed on by the Israelites when their attackers run after them but they all get drowned/the taming of the hungry and fierce lion in the cave for God’s paragon follower, prophet Daniel and the next detainees were all eaten alive proving how fierce that lion is and because of the prophet’s faith his life was spared. All that happened because of our almighty God. How about the simple wish we all have, lasting relationships-would you think that it is hopeless? Hope against hope is what faith is all about my dear readers…

Thanks for reading and hope to have inspired everyone to salvage what is left from a dying relationship. Try these folks. 

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Have a blessed day ahead!